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Sunshinefaces
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Name: Jessica
Country: United States
State: Louisiana
Gender: Female
Interests: people and Jesus. i really enjoy art and thought-provoking things.
Expertise: i wouldn't really consider myself an expert in anything. :)
Occupation: Student
Industry: Medical
Message: message me
AIM:  Flynfree03
Member Since:
1/23/2004
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| sometimes when i'm all alone, i don't know if i can take another breath.....
ah, that bebo norman sure knows how to relate!
i feel so helpless. you can have all the knowledge in the world but it doesn't matter if you can't do anything. it's really scary to see what's happening with my mom. even though i suspected that she wasn't in the best of health, it's still very scary to see that it's true.
i dunno, sometimes i try to be so strong, but inside i'm so scared and broken. well, i also got in a wreck on my way to work this morning so i was completely shaken (i'm ok, so are the other people, my car is just sadly messed up), then mom finally went to the doctor, and immediately to the ER and i had to make it through work, i couldn't just break down then.
but you know, my daddy called me during my babysitting gig, and the Lord's doing such a great work in him and in his heart. his first response to everything was to pray with me. Had i even prayed today about all the things with my mom? i hadn't. and i felt a lump in my throat as my father began to pray for a woman that he had been so bitter towards, and whatever hardness that i tried to keep up to remain "strong" began to break and tears began to roll down my cheeks. i felt anger flash over my face, how come i hadn't even prayed yet? i didnt' feel like i even had the words, so i just let him pray and thanked him for being so sweet.
but what are you trying to wake me up from, LORD? am i missing it completely?? ah i so desperately just need to rest in You. all my springs of joy are found in You. There is nothing good for me outside of Your will. You are my Help and Strength!!
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| with a song of LOVE, la la la la la, la loooo :)
Here i stand, i wait on You, in Your Presence, soooooooo sweet. :)
Hmmmm.... very interesting that this song sums up where i'm at right now.
There have been so many times when i've been waiting, wishing i was in another place, circumstance, or season of my life, fighting to be content where i was, but still holding on to the hopes, dreams, and wishes of the future. I dunno, it didn't happen overnight, and honestly i didn't try to make it happen either.
it's something the Lord has done. Just satisfied my heart in Him :) I am satisfied in the waiting. and You are my Husband, My Jesus :) ah, so so good :)
i've been waking up every morning with a song on my heart, just loving on Jesus, i know it must be results of Him healing my heart completely from the events of this past year, and of me finally surrendering my heart fully to Him.
:) this is so sweet :)
i've had such a great week, but a very busy one! I got to play "mom" all week. And Yes, i would love to be a real mom and have lots of babies, but i'm finally seeing the blessing of this time of singleness. But i'm at a place of peace, kind of the way Maggie Carpenter responds to Ike's question to sell her work in New York(Runaway Bride). "Some day." "are you scared?" "No, just some day." While yes, this was her dream, she had to figure out a bit about herself first and settle some stuff from her past, but she was content with it not happening until she was completely ready. lol. i don't know if that makes any sense to anyone else besides Jamie Lynn :) lol.
And it is so much work!!! the points where i'd be a bit overwhelmed and exhausted, it would be nap time for the boys, so it was perfect!
lol, after about ten minutes of silence, i was okay again. And some of the most precious moments of my day were when i could rock them to sleep and then curl up in the big chair to read my Bible. OH, because there's definitely no time in the morning to read once the kids are awake!!!!!!!!!
I also got to spend some precious time with my family! :) Joni is growing into such a beautiful young woman, both inside and out. I'm always excited to get to spend time with her :) :) We got to get all fancied up for Gala, and then Pat and MaryEvelyn and i had to have some fun, too :) And my parents were there too :) and Jeffy, of course :)
and we got to take some pictures all together, which is definitely one of my favorite things! i'm always excited to have new pictures of the family! (even if it's not complete, but seriously Jacob lives in San Fran, so i dunno that we'll ever have another picture with all nine of us ten if you include Shelley ;) )
Last night was the Cottage Christmas Party :) which was a lot of fun. Actually the most fun part was spending time with Jeff. He's so amazing and hilarious! It's so crazy to me how different all my siblings are, but how fun and great, too! We were both excited that we got each other's gifts from the dirty santa game because the other presents were LAME!!!! lol.
anyways, just wanted to write a bit from my overflowing heart! :) i hope you all have a great, great SUNDAY :)
i gotta go get ready for church :) :) YAY :)
oh, p.s. i think it really helped that i started this week re-charged from being with Kristy and Canita :) i needed to see them so badly :)
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| this stood out on the pages of my Bible this morning..... "who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior, his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom..." james 3:13 the gentleness of wisdom. hmmm...... we've talked a lot lately about maturity vs. immaturity, I've heard immaturity is revealing a fault or a problem, maturity reveals it without embarrassing. Like if someone had a booger hanging out of their nose, immaturity says, " ha ha ha, you've got a booger hanging out of your nose." But maturity hands that person a kleenex. and that is wisdom, and there is such gentleness in it. and if we would be slow to speak, quick to listen, and slow to anger we would exhibit much more wisdom too.... "...but the wisdom from above is first PURE, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, and without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace..." james 3:17,18 more on this later.... still chewing :) | | |
| proverbs says, a righteous man falls seven times, yet rises again.... so is it failure when you fall and still get up? i don't know. but i'm sure tired of falling. and failing. i got some major correction last night. very much needed. but how could i forget that the GOD who sees everything, of course sees into my heart. where the deepest, darkest, secrets lie. | | |
| You said, " I know that this will hurt!" "But if I don't break your heart, [JESSICA] Things will just get worse!!!!! When the burden seems too much to bear... REMEMBER, THE END will justify the PAIN it took to get US there :) break our hearts, OH GOD Break our hearts. FOR THE SIN, in our lives, BREAK OUR HEARTS! FOR THE SIN IN OUR LAND BREAK OUR HEARTS... We cry out, we've lived in sin, please show Your POWER once again. HEAL OUR LAND, JESUS. HEAL OUR LAND. | | |
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